Something that I've been thinking about alot lately:
How do we make sure that Peter knows about Jude, and maintain his presence in our family over the years?
We have Jude's painting; and it will always have a prominent place in our house. Peter and all our future children will grow up knowing the story behind it. We have pictures on the wall of us with Jude. We have his ultrasound picture in the nursery. There are little reminders around the house. But I want our other children to feel connected to him as more that just some random baby that died before they were born?
How do we help them feel like they know Jude, when we didn't really get the chance to know him ourselves? How do we continue to include him in our family in tangible ways for our kids in years to come? There are a few traditions that we have started or are planning to start with Peter and any future children. We are going to get a new angel ornament for our Christmas tree every year and hang it on Jude's birthday. We plan on always including a blue helium balloon in family pictures to represent Jude. And someday when we will be in one place for more than a couple of years I would love to plant a tree and a memorial garden for him.
But how do we describe him and explain his place in our family to children? How do we include them in their brother's memorial traditions even when they are very small?
If you're a bereaved mama with other children I'd love to hear how your family includes the baby/child that's not present!
I think you have some great ideas!
ReplyDeleteWe have an older daughter who met our second, stillborn daughter, and for her it's easier. For the third daughter, who God willing will be born in a few months, we will have to tell her Gemma's story.
I think having rituals and pictures is he perfect way to bring Jude into the working memory and fabric of the family. Your kids will get to know him thought the things you do and say throughout the year. Beautiful.
Hey there :)
ReplyDeleteI've been reading here maybe for a year, since we lost our own daughter to a treatable condition that was discovered too late :/
I got my older daughter a book called "We were going to have a baby, but we had an angel instead". They also have one called "Someone came before you", you might want to check it out.
http://www.amazon.com/Someone-Came-Before-You-Schwiebert/dp/0972424156/ref=pd_sim_b_4
Congratulations for Peter's safe arrival! He seems like such a sweet and mellow baby! I think it is very important to create a connection between siblings, even if they never knew the baby who died. There's something about family dynamics that makes it important to know who came in what order etc.
Have a great forst year with Peter! Jude will always be remembered.