I sincerely apologize for my blogging delinquency of late. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself that I really should blog and remind cyberspace of my existence,… but have recently been at a loss for inspiration. There are a number of reasons for this that can be summed up by simply saying I’ve been heavily overwhelmed by a life that never follows the course that you expect.
So, here’s the story of the last few months: I started my new job in November, with a very open mind about what God might have in store for me there. I knew going into it that it was not a job that I had an inherent passion for, but trusted that God had me there for a reason, and that He could provide me with the passion necessary to succeed and glorify Him in the process. Welllll,…… That’s been much harder than I expected. Without going into all the gory details, I’ll just say that this job frequently leaves me emotionally wrecked. I’ve been struggling with some depression off and on, I’ve been getting severe headaches 3-4 times a week, and I’ve been feeling inadequate at home in filling my role as Jess’ helpmate.
This is NOT what I expected when I was experiencing the emotional high of God providing this job just in the nick of time for us financially. I felt as though it was so clearly God’s provision and plan that it was bound to be easy RIGHT? (Or at least easier than the precariousness of unemployment.)
Naive.
Well, I have to admit part of the problem, and a pattern in my spiritual life, is that I frequently go from a high point of complete submission and reliance on Christ (last fall) to a low point, and forget to translate everything I learned about God’s character.
I’m working now on making that translation. I learned so much about God’s faithfulness in the last year, now I need to figure out how to apply that to this new and unexpectedly difficult situation. Our pastor preached on contentment in church a few weeks ago. He was speaking primarily about financial contentment, but I was challenged more broadly than that. I feel some days that I just need to work to be content in the situation that God has placed me. Then I’ll have a rough week at work and feel as though I really can’t stay at this job, that it’s not fair to Jess and our marriage.
I wish that I could say that I’ve come up with the ultimate solution. I haven’t. But God really spoke to Jess and I this morning during some Bible study time (Yeah, we played hookie from church this morning. As Jess put it: We’re basking in the glory of God’s grace,….. at home.).
We read Hebrew 4:1-13. I challenge you to read it. It’s about entering God’s rest, or the word that I associate it with is His peace. The author talks about the Hebrews back in the Old Testament when Moses sends the scouts into the Promise Land. Most of them return with reports of giants that display a lack of faith in God’s power to conquer un-conquerable situations. Because of this fear and inability to see the situation through God’s eyes, an entire generation of Israelites never fully experienced God’s rest, or peace.
I don’t know how my job situation will turn out, but I do know that I don’t want to miss out on God’s promise of rest because I’m too busy worrying and being unhappy about my current circumstances. The only practical solution we have is prayer and trust in God’s omnipotence. So that’s our plan right now, just to experience God’s promise of peace in our lives through prayer and time together in communion with Him.
Our own Promise Land awaits, we may just need some help conquering giants before we can get there.
