tidbits

Time flies when you're having fun!

We've had a busy and fun couple of weeks. 

Last weekend we went up to the San Juan mountains and hiked Handies Peak with some friends. It was Peter's first 14er! It was slow going, but I was motivated to make it to the top, just so I could say I'd hiked a 14er 5 months pregnant. It was a beautiful day, and we rejoiced in God's magnificent creation the whole way. 

Here are a few pictures:

 On top:

I had a few days off work last week as well and started puttering around with baby projects. I made Peter a little hat and matching booties, as well as a mobile for the nursery, and some fabulous body butter for my rapidly stretching tummy skin. Pinterest is my friend. :-)

I've started thrifting as much as I can for the random "baby necessities." Scored an awesome changing table for 20 bucks, and some other little things. It feels good to start pulling stuff together. We still need quite a few things, but have plenty of time, and I feel like we're making progress now! It is (mostly) fun to start doing all of these things. Still a little scary here and there,... but for the most part we have a lot of peace.

We spent this weekend in Denver and it was such a blessing to reconnect with a lot of our friends that we haven't seen since we left. We are so blessed by those relationships, and miss them all so much! We stopped at The Tattered Cover (No trip to Denver is complete without at least a brief visit in my opinion. Best. Bookstore. EVER.) and bought a copy of Peter Rabbit, with a matching stuffed bunny that says Peter on his jacket. They are so cute! I imagine that bunny will receive many years of love/abuse at the hands of our Peter.

thoughts at 20 weeks

20 weeks yesterday. 1/2 way there. Some days that fact amazes me, and others it feels like I've been pregnant forever. Some days it feels like we've been expecting this baby since the beginning of my pregnancy with Jude. The lines and memories between the two pregnancies become blurry.

I called him Jude the other day.

I've caught myself thinking it a few times, but the other day when Peter was kicking really hard I mentioned it to Jess and referred to him as Jude Dude out loud. I quickly corrected myself, and tried not to let guilt set in. I don't think Jess even heard it, but it made me feel terrible. I think in some ways it would have been easier to differentiate the lines between the two if this one had been a girl. 

PLEASE don't get me wrong. I couldn't care less his gender; I'm just elated that he's healthy.

But, I think having another boy right away, along such a similar timeline as Jude was expected to take is more,... complicated. This is partly the reason we decided to go with the name Peter instead of James. James was originally a variation of the name Jacob. It means "The Usurper"; stemming from the story of Jacob( the younger brother) stealing Esau's (the older brother) birthright. It kinda just hit a little too close to home. We still love the name, and may go back to it if we have another boy someday, but this baby doesn't need that insinuation. It just left too much of a bad taste in our mouths. Now, Peter: "The Rock." Can't go wrong there. :-)

We went through Jude's things the other night to figure out what we have that we'll want to use for Peter, and what will stay as Jude's and only Jude's. Most of the clothes and baby things that we had bought before we got Jude's diagnosis we will use for Peter. But in my mind I still think of them as Jude's. I don't know when that will change. Maybe not until Peter is born, and his presence and alive-ness is more tangible.

One of my fears, and something that I've been praying about alot lately is that I don't EVER want Peter or any of our other future children to feel like they are playing second fiddle to Jude. I want them to know that they have a big brother in Heaven. I want them to be aware of his existence, and  count him among our family members. But it would break my heart if they ever felt less wanted, important, or loved than he is.

I desire BOTH of my boys. I always will. But Jude's absence will only make me appreciate the rest of our children MORE. That is the reality that I want our kids to know. I just pray that God would clearly guide Jess and I as we raise the children we are blessed enough to keep. I pray that we find the perfect balance in talking about Jude with Peter and any other kids we may have, and being open about our desire to be with him, without making them feel inadequate.

Da Belly

Here's the infamous belly progression thus far:

Dang. I hardly even realize how big I'm getting until I look back at the pictures!

One of the things I really regretted with Jude is that we didn't take "nice" belly pictures, just bathroom mirror reflection ones. I promised myself that no matter what, I would take nicer pictures for all subsequent pregnancies.

Things are going well. I *think* we've decided on the name Peter. Peter Allen Anderson. He just kicked me square in the bladder which seems to have become one of his favorite past-times. I love it. I'm feeling him so much, and it's absolutely fabulous. If I'm paying attention, rarely an hour goes by that I don't feel some movement or another. It just amazes me how active he is. He's going to be all boy for sure.

Tonight our project is to pull out  our boxes of Jude's things and go through them. I think I'm finally ready to sort through it, and try to picture using the things we got Jude for another baby. I know that some things we just won't be able to use for Peter, without only thinking of Jude. But hopefully most of it can count toward baby stuff for Peter too. We'll see how it goes.

We're going to watch the Avengers afterwards, so we'll have some good light comic relief.

The other thing that was really refreshing this week was meeting my new niece last Saturday. She was just a few hours old, and we went to the hospital to see my brother Matt, his wife Amy, and new Virginia June. She's a beauty! And I'm glad/relieved to say that that was the first time in almost a year that I've held a baby and didn't want to burst into tears.

I certainly thought of Jude. Wondered what it could have been like,.... I always will.

But I also thought of Peter.

And what it WILL be like. 

It made my heart more happy than sad. What a blessed relief.

It is well

We just got home from the doctor's a little bit ago. The ultrasound went well. We have alot of scary/sad memories associated with ultrasounds, so it was very emotional.

But this little guy looks great.

He's measuring right on track, even a little big which is very reassuring compared to how his big brother measured. 

Yup, it's another boy!

And as of right now he looks perfect.

We are so relieved, and thankful that there were no concerns and we can finally begin to breath a little easier.

Praise God!

And, as promised, we went immediately to REI and made our first baby purchase this pregnancy:

photo bomb courtesy of Libby the Wonder-Dog!

Diaper bag: check!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers leading up to today. It's been a very anxiety-filled week. Fortunately right now, the biggest thing we have to worry about is figuring out his name! 

:-)

We're debating between James and Peter.

We considered both of them last time before going with Jude.

His middle name will be Allen after his grampa and his brother.

Which do you like better?