Life Phases and Sister Blog

Life is funny, ya know? Circumstances shape certain phases of life so intensely that in the moment you can't fathom that life will ever revolve around anything but what you are currently experiencing. Losing Jude was probably the most intense experience that has ever consumed my being. And there was a time when I truly believed that it would ALWAYS consume me. That phase of my life shaped me into who I am today, but it no longer consumes me.

In a way it feels like a confession. To say that losing Jude is not longer the primary lens through which I experience life. But it's true. And I won't let myself feel guilty for that.

This is certainly not to say that I don't grieve for him. I do. Every. Single. Day. But it's not the sucker-punch grief that takes your breath away and leaves you wondering how you will get out of bed and face the world.

It's a much more subtle grief. His absence is certainly felt; but we have learned to live with that absence. It is simply a part of our lives, and we have learned to embrace and find joy in remembering Jude. There will always be hard days like his birthday, and holidays (especially Christmas because it's so close to his birthday) will always be bittersweet. I will always have the desire and need to recognize that I don't only have 1 child. That no, Peter is not our first. I will ALWAYS hesitate to answer when people ask those questions.

These are the experiences of child loss that never go away. But the pain has waned significantly.

And while I will always identify strongly with the infant loss community, I feel my ability to relate to the intensity of that experience also waning.

So, my point:

I have wrestled about what to do with this blog. I feel as though I want it to stay up as a resource for women going through the immediacy of losing a child. Especially for people that get a Triploidy diagnosis as we are (Thank God) few and far between. I started this blog with the prayer that God would use it to touch and encourage women who may be going through similar situations and decisions that we did with Jude. And it has.

But as I'm sure any followers have noticed, my blogging has slowly become less and less frequent. My life has become so full of other things and I feel like I have fewer words to share with the audience I created this blog for.

All this to say that I'm starting a sister blog. I'll link the two together as soon as I figure out how. This new blog will be about life now. A life that includes infant loss, but is also about all the other parts of life as I see it. Being a Christ follower, being a mother to children both in Heaven and in my arms, being a nurse, being a doctor's wife, being a military wife, etc.

Thanks for reading.

You are what has made this blog worth writing the last few years. You have helped with my grieving and healing process. Thanks, and God bless.