Mother's Day. Ufta.
It may not be recognized by those around us, but: We. Are. Mothers.
Even though last week when I was asked by a well-meaning stranger if I had any children I said no.
I said no and then went home feeling guilty that I had betrayed my baby.
I said no and went home and laid on the floor and cried.
I cried because I don't HAVE my child.
My husband held me, and told me not to feel guilty. I still did a little bit.
Because I said no. I don't have any children.
But I DID. I had Jude. I had him. He is still my son, and I am still his mama.
So what do I do on Mother's Day in church when the mothers are asked to stand for recognition?
(I can tell you what I'll do: skip church, and go hiking with my honey.)
What do I do on a day when the world is celebrating what I am,... but what I'm not yet blessed to live as?
I'm not even close to the only one in this predicament. I'm not even close to the only one who hurts on Mother's Day. What about the mama of one or two who had a recent miscarriage and wants that baby's life to be recognized this Mother's Day? What about the woman who has been trying for a baby for years, only to be thwarted by her own body?
She would give anything to mother her child; to have a baby.
We would die for the opportunity to make the sacrifices that mothers are being honored for on Mother's Day.
I'm sure you can think of someone (other than me). Someone for whom, at the very least this Mother's Day is bittersweet. Here's my challenge to you:
Reach out to them. Send a card. Take them to coffee. Give them flowers.
DON'T wish them a "Happy Mother's Day!"
For many of us, "Happy Mother's Day" is a dream lost,... for now at least. It may be a dream we hold on to for the future, but it is not going to be realized this year.
Wish them peace this Mother's Day. Tell them you're thinking of them and their lost baby, or unfulfilled dreams. Tell them you're praying they'll have something to celebrate next Mother's Day. Recognize their pain and longing on this day that is simply joy for much of the world.
Think of a way you can bless a hurting mama or would-love-to-be-a-mama in the next week or two; and DO IT.
I posted this plenty early for you to ponder and pray about the most sensitive way to bless someone.
So, please, help make this bitter day a little more sweet for someone who may be hurting.
My challenge to myself this Mother's Day is just as the verse on my wall says.
I need to simply:
BE STILL AND KNOW
THAT HE IS GOD.
Oh how that verse is daily running through this heart. I pray our God will help us to be still..I know He is a faithful God.
ReplyDeleteAnother mothers day...oh I remember so well hating being around my friends for any holiday during those years we were losing children instead of having. I will pray for you and others who must go through another Mother's Day without a child.
ReplyDeleteThanks Betty,
DeleteMy primary prayer is that God would grant me the grace to reach out to others that are hurting, rather than getting so caught up in my own pain. It is one of the only ways I stay sane! :-) Thanks for your prayers.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I have known a few mama's who have lost their children and I always feel kind of stuck on a holiday like Mothers Day. So when you don't know what to do, you do nothing. Thank you for showing me how to help another mom going through this terrible tragedy. And may God bless you with peace and comfort as you grieve the loss of your beautiful baby. ((((hugs to you))))
ReplyDeleteIt is such a hard balance. I never want anyone else to feel LESS joyful on what should be a beautiful holiday. Celebrate motherhood! Just do it with an awareness that it truly IS something to be treasured and appreciated; and do it with an outward focus on those in your life, who would also like to be celebrating.
DeleteThanks for your thoughts and prayers. And comments! :-)
Thanks for writing about this Jenn. This is a special post to me. I'll never forget when a member of our church talked about her barrenness in the service leading up to Christmas. It was unexpected, but very appropriate. Christmas can be another hard time for childless folks - there is so much anticipation wrapped up in the birth of the Christ Child, so many Away-in-the-Manger's to sing....
ReplyDeleteJenn,
ReplyDeleteI have only just met you but you write with such openness that I feel that I know you already. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Mother's Day. There are so many people around me who feel the twinges of pain as this holiday rolls around. Moms whose children have gone on to heaven before them, moms who are waiting for children to arrive, moms who are fighting for their children in one way or another.
Wherever they are, in whatever situation they find themselves in, Mother's Day is for those who love till it hurts and keep on loving. It is for those who refuse to give up, those who make life about more than themselves. A mothers isn't someone who carries a child in their arms, she is one who carries a child in her heart.
Thank you for reminding us of all the mothers around us in all kinds of situations.
And while the day might not feel so happy, you deserve to be celebrated this Mother's Day, Jenn. Your son has an amazing mommy. What a beautiful legacy you have created for him! While his time on earth may have been short, his impact certainly isn't. Through his life, you are ministering to so many hearts.
From one mom to another, thank you. You are an amazing mom.
Blessings,
Jamie
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing site you have created in honor of your son! You deserve to be celebrated this mother's day because moms are not those who carry children in their arms, but those who carry children in their hearts.
From one mom to another, thank you for your willingness to give to others out of the place of your loss. I hope you can let those around you celebrate the mother that you are even through the pain. You are an incredible mom, you love till it hurts and then keep on loving. It is the definition of motherhood.
Blessings,
Jamie