Infant Loss Resources

This is a work-in-progress, check back for more resources as time goes on.

I just wanted to create a little page with a list of some of the resources I have used along the journey of my pregnancy with Jude, his stillbirth, and our ongoing grief and healing. I pray that you have not stumbled across my blog because you or someone you know are experiencing or expecting such a loss, but if you have, let me share a few organizations that helped:

(There are TONS of wonderful resources out there, but it can be overwhelming to start the process of finding them. These are just the ones that I used; don't stop with these. They all have their own more complete lists of resources to check out.)


String of Pearls: This is an organization based out of the Denver area (which is where I live) but they serve families all over. It was a HUGE blessing for me to have them so close because I was able to meet with one of the co-founders, Becky, over coffee several times before Jude was born. She also came to the hospital to help us with his footprints. What a blessing she has been! One of the services that they offer is sending families keepsake kits. This included a Christmas ornament and paint for prints, a casting kit, a journal, and several products to help inhibit milk production (these were a life-saver, and really worked for me!).
http://stringofpearlsonline.org/


Now I lay Me Down to Sleep: an nation-wide organization that comes to the hospital after delivery of a stillborn infant or an infant not expected to live and takes beautiful photographs free of charge. It has been such a blessing to us to have pictures of our little family. Jude was stillborn, and some people may not understand the desire for pictures of a child that has already passed, but we have loved ours and have several that we are comfortable sharing with people. Even if you feel that those precious moments were too special and private to share, it will be wonderful to have photos for yourself to remember those moments by. Our photographer was very kind and very professional. He was only there for about 30 minutes, so it didn't feel like he was stealing away valuable time. Here's the link to their web-site:
http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/home/


Angel Babies: This is another organization that was super helpful. They provide infant gowns, hats, jewelry, etc for families expecting babies with fatal diagnoses. They have a wide variety of sizes, and were the ONLY place I could find that made clothes for infants 1 pound or less. Because of Jude's condition he was severely growth restricted and only weighed 14.8 ounces. Thanks to Angel Babies, we could dress him in a beautiful knit gown and had several tiny hats that actually fit him!
http://www.angelbabiesinfo.com/


Whitney Jill blog: This is a blog that I found immensely helpful (and if you look at her resources page most of them will be familiar cause I found many of my resources through her!). She is also the mother of an infant who had Triploidy. She blogged beautifully throughout the entire experience and has alot of wisdom to share about loss, grief, and hope for the future.
http://www.whitneyjill.com/


Molly Piper's blog: This is another blog by a mother who experienced a stillbirth. She has a fantastic blog series titled: How to Help Your Grieving Friend. I found this to be an excellent site to share with people AFTER our loss. She explains the grief process in such an eloquent way, that really helps my friends and family understand what I'm going through and ways that they can help.
http://mollypiper.com/2008/03/how-to-help-your-grieving-friend/


Books that were helpful or meaningful:

I bought a whole bunch of books when we got Jude's diagnosis. I didn't know what would be most helpful. I quickly found out that most of the books out there about loosing a baby, are mushy-gushy feelings based and very cliche. I know that these types of books are helpful for some people (or else there wouldn't be so many of them), but that's not what I needed. I needed books based on fact, and Biblical truth. Here are a few that have been particularly helpful:
- Safe in the Arms of God: Truth from heaven about the death of a child, by John MacArthur. His book is one that I believe every pastor or Biblical counselor should have on their shelves. It is the ONLY book that I have found that is truly 100% based on what the Bible says about the death of an infant, and has been a million times more helpful to me than many of the other books combined. I know that it is truth, not opinion or feelings. If you are expecting an infant loss, or have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or death of a young child, then you really need to find a copy of this. Here's the link to it's Amazon page:
http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Arms-God-Truth-Heaven/dp/0785263438
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew: A Devotional Companion for Comfort in the Loss of Your Unborn Or Newly Born Child, by Kathe Wunnenberg. This is a nice devotional that Jess and I are working through. I would definitely suggest going through it with your spouse, or a very close friend. It has helped Jess and I verbalize some of the things that are hard to bring up in conversation, but important to talk about. The author doesn't gush about her own difficult experiences (something that I got tired of in other books, and didn't feel was helpful), she mostly shares the things that helped her heal. THAT'S what I want to know. Here's the Amazon page for that one: http://www.amazon.com/Grieving-Child-I-Never-Knew/dp/0310227771
- Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss. by Jennifer Saake. A dear friend gave me this book about 6 months after Jude was born. I devoured it! It  is less specifically about stillbirth and infant loss, and more about seeking God's heart in the midst of whatever difficulties you may be having in expanding your family. It's also a great book for people struggling with infertility, miscarriage, and adoption loss. Fabulous book!
http://www.amazon.com/Hannahs-Hope-Infertility-Miscarriage-Adoption/dp/1576836541


Resources for physical relief postpartum:

There were several things that I tried after having Jude to help prevent and relieve the discomfort of having my milk come in. I don't know which ones ultimately worked best because I faithfully used all of the tricks that had been suggested to me, and PRAISE GOD! My milk never did completely come in. I was certainly quite uncomfortable for a few days, but it could have been much much worse. Here's what I tried:
- Benadryl: I took the recommended daily maximum dose for the first week and a half after having Jude. This helps because it dries up secretions (like snot, for allergies), and also seems to effect milk supply.
- Sage and Peppermint Tea: I guzzled this several times a day for the first week or so (until I couldn't stand it anymore, and was fairly certain that the worst was over.). I did not like how it tasted, but figured it was worth it. Besides Jude was born the week before Chirstmas, so treats abounded. I washed down the tea with ample amounts of my favorite cookies and Christmas candy.
- Cabo Cream: This is a cream created to help new mothers how are uncomfortably engorged. Thankfully, it will also help suppress your milk completely if you use it enough (like 4-6 times a day). The primary active ingredient is Cabbage leaf extract. It was a little tricky every time I went to put it on, because you REALLY need to be careful not to rub it in much and end up stimulating your breasts, that will counteract the cream. So I just slathered on a huge amount without rubbing, and then wore my super-snug sports bras. Here's their web-site: http://www.cabocreme.com/ShowPage.asp?id=157
- Cabbage Leaves: So I know this sounds crazy,... but this is the most common recommendation I've heard. Pop a head of cabbage in the freezer and pull off the leafs as needed. Place an entire leaf in your bra on each side. I never actually used this (though i was armed and ready with a cabbage head in the freezer for several weeks), because the previous three things seemed to be working.


Verses:

These are all verses that held special meaning for me after Jude's death. They are full of hope and promises that were and continue to be vital to my spiritual health while struggling through the crisis.
- Psalm 139
- 2 Samuel 12:19-23
- Romans 4:18-25
- Romans 5:1-5
- Jude 20-21 and 24-25
- Hebrews 11:39-40
- Romans 8:26
- Romans 12:12
- 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
- Psalms 63:3-5
- Romans 15: 5-6
- Hebrews 11:13-16
- Psalm 139:16
- 1 Corinthians 15:42-44
- Psalm 23
- Psalm 143:7-10
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
- John 14:27
- Isaiah 61:3
- Lamentations 3:22-25

The list goes on and on,... I'll probably continue to add them as they speak to me!

Music:

Karla Adolphe has a fabulous free album all about grief. I listened and listened. It and her worship album (The Chair and the Microphone 3) through Enter the Worship Circle were really the only things I listened to for months. They were a balm. Here's the link to her website where you can find both:
http://www.karlaadolphe.ca/