conquering giants

I sincerely apologize for my blogging delinquency of late. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself that I really should blog and remind cyberspace of my existence,… but have recently been at a loss for inspiration. There are a number of reasons for this that can be summed up by simply saying I’ve been heavily overwhelmed by a life that never follows the course that you expect.

So, here’s the story of the last few months: I started my new job in November, with a very open mind about what God might have in store for me there. I knew going into it that it was not a job that I had an inherent passion for, but trusted that God had me there for a reason, and that He could provide me with the passion necessary to succeed and glorify Him in the process. Welllll,…… That’s been much harder than I expected. Without going into all the gory details, I’ll just say that this job frequently leaves me emotionally wrecked. I’ve been struggling with some depression off and on, I’ve been getting severe headaches 3-4 times a week, and I’ve been feeling inadequate at home in filling my role as Jess’ helpmate.

This is NOT what I expected when I was experiencing the emotional high of God providing this job just in the nick of time for us financially. I felt as though it was so clearly God’s provision and plan that it was bound to be easy RIGHT? (Or at least easier than the precariousness of unemployment.)

Naive.

Well, I have to admit part of the problem, and a pattern in my spiritual life, is that I frequently go from a high point of complete submission and reliance on Christ (last fall) to a low point, and forget to translate everything I learned about God’s character.

I’m working now on making that translation. I learned so much about God’s faithfulness in the last year, now I need to figure out how to apply that to this new and unexpectedly difficult situation. Our pastor preached on contentment in church a few weeks ago. He was speaking primarily about financial contentment, but I was challenged more broadly than that. I feel some days that I just need to work to be content in the situation that God has placed me. Then I’ll have a rough week at work and feel as though I really can’t stay at this job, that it’s not fair to Jess and our marriage.

I wish that I could say that I’ve come up with the ultimate solution. I haven’t. But God really spoke to Jess and I this morning during some Bible study time (Yeah, we played hookie from church this morning. As Jess put it: We’re basking in the glory of God’s grace,….. at home.).

We read Hebrew 4:1-13. I challenge you to read it. It’s about entering God’s rest, or the word that I associate it with is His peace. The author talks about the Hebrews back in the Old Testament when Moses sends the scouts into the Promise Land. Most of them return with reports of giants that display a lack of faith in God’s power to conquer un-conquerable situations. Because of this fear and inability to see the situation through God’s eyes, an entire generation of Israelites never fully experienced God’s rest, or peace.

I don’t know how my job situation will turn out, but I do know that I don’t want to miss out on God’s promise of rest because I’m too busy worrying and being unhappy about my current circumstances. The only practical solution we have is prayer and trust in God’s omnipotence. So that’s our plan right now, just to experience God’s promise of peace in our lives through prayer and time together in communion with Him.

Our own Promise Land awaits, we may just need some help conquering giants before we can get there.

Undies MAN!!!!

My husband is awesome. I asked Jess this morning if he had any great blog ideas and he said that I should blog about how awesome he is,.... so here it goes:

My husband is awesome.

Today is New Years Eve, and our 4th wedding anniversary. We are still snuggled up in bed (Jess is fanatically trying to finish his Harry Potter book before he has to start school again on Monday), the dog is sleeping on our feet, there is new snow on the ground, our electric blanket is toasty, and life is good.

Looking back at the last four years and everything that God has brought us through and blessed us with is pretty amazing. There have been some crazy fun times (climbing fourteeners, whitewater kayaking, friend's weddings, The lake, getting Libby as a puppy,....), and also some scary and challenging times (Amy's accident, terrible apartments, NCLEX and MCAT, unemployment, moving 5 times in 4 years....) but we don't have to look too closely at any example before we see God's hand at work.

I for one can't wait to see how He is going to work in the upcoming year. We are excited about 2011, it promises to have alot of great things in store. One huge blessing is that Jess got the Air force scholarship for med school, and he is eligible for a whopping signing bonus as well as the regular living stipend next year (on top of the fact that they pay 100% of his school tuition and expenses!). A month and a half ago we were literally running out of money and didn't know what we were going to do. Then I got a job, and now this,... God is SO faithful!

Another thing that we are excited about in 2011 is our New Years resolution (I know, I know,... who really ever follows those right?). We have decided to read the whole Bible this year. It's something that I've started before, but never stuck with it. I have dozens of excuses. This year will be different though. Jess and I and his mom, Muriel, are all doing it together on the same reading plan, so there will be accountability and encouragement along the way.

(I wish I had a video of my husband just now: charging out of bed in his boxers and a old floppy sweatshirt singing: "Undies Man!!!!" to go get me the computer charger,... what a guy, he really is awesome!)

Well, I suppose thats about it,... the Undies Man theme song was too distracting and I lost my train of thought. We did have some big plans for the day, but it's too chilly to be outside much so I think we're going to venture out to the bakery then the bookstore, and then home again to curl up on the couch for the day. Then tonight we're going to our friend's Hannah and Stephen's house for a rocking New Years Eve fiesta.

Happy New Years everyone!

Merry Christmas from the Andersons!!!

Christmas perspective

I plopped down in front of the computer this morning with my mug full of Ghirardelli chocolate coffee, and a slice of chocolate banana bread with peanut butter; and had full intentions of watching a short show and folding laundry…. Well, that idea was short-lived. Maybe later.  IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!!  And I need to blog.

First, a quick update: the new job is going fine. VERY slow… partly because of the time of year no one has really had time to train me. It’s been pretty boring and a little frustrating, BUT: I know this is where God has me. That’s all I have to say about that.  Jess has one more test tomorrow and then has a couple of weeks off,… he can’t wait to spend his free time in the next few weeks rearranging the furniture and organizing closets.                 No, really.                           That’s what he’s excited to do.           I know,… pretty weird, but what can I say?.. I love the guy!

(Mmmmm,… this banana bread is Goo-ood, If I do say so myself!)

Okay, here’s what I really got on here to blog about: It’s Christmas! And we feel so blessed this year to be where we are at. School is going great for Jess, I finally have a job (income!), we have an AMAZING church, INCREDIBLE  friends, and (as always) our families are such blessings to us, the list goes on and on!!! So many incredible blessings that the Lord has poured out on us this year. I feel like: “MAN, we really have something to celebrate this year!”

And while these things are all wonderful, and they ARE reasons to celebrate I think that this is a warped way of looking at it. I catch myself feeling celebratory due to these specific blessings in my life. What if times were harder right now? What if I didn’t have a job? What is Jess was really struggling in school? What if we were still church hunting? What if we hadn’t made any good friends here? What if,……..?

Wouldn’t there still be just as much reason to celebrate this Christmas? Wouldn’t it be just as true that Christ humbled himself for our sakes; making himself like a child, in order to provide redemption to our scarlet souls? I often catch myself celebrating and finding joy in circumstances, rather than celebrating Jesus.

Jess and I did the advent reading in church last week, it was about joy. I want to give you all the same challenge we gave to our church (and are working on ourselves): Ask yourself what you are REALLY celebrating this season. Scrutinize your source of joy. Is it in the excitement of parties, gifts, stockings, yummy food, Christmas lights, being with family…..? While I AM excited about all of these things (and I’m sure that many of you are as well) I’m working on realizing that my TRUE source of joy this season and what I should really be celebrating is this:

Philippians 2:5-11:

 ...Christ Jesus:

 Who, being in very nature God, 

   did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 

rather, he made himself nothing 

   by taking the very nature of a servant, 

   being made in human likeness. 

 And being found in appearance as a man, 

   he humbled himself 

   by becoming obedient to death— 

      even death on a cross!

  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place 

 and gave him the name that is above every name, 

 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, 

   in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 

 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, 

   to the glory of God the Father.

So, pretty much I could have just said: Jesus is the reason for the season. Cliché I know, but no less true!


Now I’m off to fold laundry. Love you all!

New job!

So I just completed my second day at the new job. Praise God! His provision didn’t come a moment too soon; His timing was impeccable, as ever.  We experienced extreme relief after I was finally officially offered the job, then I headed to Grand Junction for a FANTASTIC week with my family. Jess joined us for Thanksgiving which was so much fun. It was the first time that the entire Storey family had assembled since Matt’s wedding,… and there have been two additions since then!

Then we had to return to real life. After two days on the job I’m feeling quite overwhelmed with a number of things; and would appreciate your prayers!

First, I was expecting my commute to be about 30 minutes each way. Add in the traffic and it’s turned out to be at least 45 minutes each way. Kind of a shock to this country bumpkin. After Laramie, where I worked 7 blocks from home and walked back and forth regularly, 45 minutes in the car seems like forever! It feels like by the time I get home I’ve already lost any potential down time. I know that I will adjust, I just pray that it happens quickly! (I’m hoping to get the Bible on CD, and would love any other suggestions that people may have on productive time killers in the car!)

Second, my poor pooch doesn’t know what hit her! One minute I’m staying at home loving on her all day every day, and the next she’s cooped up by herself for at least 8 hours each day. We’re still trying to figure out how to meet the needs of our extraordinarily high energy dog while also going about the lives that God has so clearly led us to. I know that this isn’t really that big of a deal, and that she is after all just a DOG, but I love her and I feel bad about it.

 This is a big transition for Jess and I both. I won’t have as much time to keep up with stuff at home. He will have to spend more time taking care of the dog (and time is a precious commodity when you’re in medical school!). We are praying that God will continue to guide us and teach us through this process.

Finally, I am so thankful for God’s guidance and provision for us. This will be a period of change, and some if it will be hard, but it is such a blessed peace just knowing without a doubt that this is where God wants me.

Omniscient. Omnipotent. Omnipresent. Omnibenevolent.

WARNING: This blog contains severe rambling and also some blubbering. Read at your own risk.

Me yesterday: “OK God,… I know you’re up there all omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, omnibenevolent, and all those other omni-words that I don’t know (ok, I’ve gotta admit that I cheated on the omnibenevolent one, I actually only knew the other three)… and that SHOULD mean that you haven’t forgotten me down here on my own,…. But sometimes it sure feels that way.”

Still waiting. I don’t know about you (especially considering I have no idea who you are reading this blog at this exact moment) but sometimes I feel forgotten. Certainly in the last 5 months, but even before then, there have been times when God has felt so distant,… and I have not been able to see His hand in my life (The argument could be made that I have not been able to see His hand working because it didn’t do what I thought it should do and therefore ignored or didn’t recognize it,… but that point’s already been made in previous posts,….)  (OK, I seriously need to stop with the parentheses (welcome to my rabbit-trail mind).).

I’m sure you know what I mean; times when you feel a bit abandoned. I had a serious melt-down last night because I felt so forgotten. I was supposed to hear back about the job that I’ve been interviewing for by mid-week; yesterday afternoon when I still hadn’t heard back I called. She simply told me that they were still waiting on my background check. My logical brain calmly states: “that means that they’re still interested, and don’t forget: God’s in control.” My emotional brain passionately wails: “I’M SO SICK AND TIRED OF WAITING!!!!! WHY CAN’T IT JUST GO SMOOTHLY AND QUICKLY!!!!! IT ISN’T FAIR! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!” And commence the blubbering on my hubby’s shoulder.

Jess hugged me; he told me everything was going to be OK; and then promptly introduced pizza, beer, and re-runs of The Office which helped significantly. I married the perfect guy.

I’ve just been digesting the situation today and I know that the root of the issue is almost always the same for me: trusting God in every circumstance. The specific manifestation of that issue this week was having patience while trusting and waiting for His provision. Patience has never been my strongest characteristic,… I think that I will probably struggle with having patience my whole life. (It’s one more fruit of the Spirit that it really is up to HIM to manifest in my life!) The other thought that I had was: how consistent have I been at spending time reading my Bible and praying this week? The answer: NOT consistent enough.

So, after some serious rambling and blubbering (you were warned), the conclusion that I’m left with is this:

Next time I’m feeling a heavy sense abandonment or like I’ve been forgotten, I need to ask myself these questions (preferably BEFORE the blubbering commences):

1. Have I been in the WORD? The armor of God in Ephesians 6 mentions the Gospel of Peace. Sounds like that might be helpful.

2. What fruit of the Spirit would be helpful in dealing with this situation (Galatians 5:22-23)? These are characteristics that are part of a package deal when we accept Christ as our Savior and are indwelt by the Holy Spirit. As believers we should manifest all of these every day. I want to remember to specifically pray for the manifestation of peace and patience in my life; every day, and ESPECIALLY when my emotional brain starts go a little crazy on me.

3. Finally, Am I, right now in this moment, trusting that God is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent? (And any other omni-word I don’t know about…)

Because He is.

Job opportunities and motherly wisdom

I had a job interview yesterday. It went well, and they called me back this morning for a second interview next week with the entire team of people that I would be working with. It’s for a public health nursing job working with children with special needs. I did a similar program in Laramie, and it was probably my least favorite part of my job there. Not because I don’t have a heart for children with special needs, but because there is not as much face to face time with your clients as I would like. I have mixed feelings to say the least.

Now, growing up my mother used all of those awesome “mom sayings.” You all know what I mean. There are threatening ones like: “stop whining or I’ll give you something to whine about,…  or Do _________ this instant or I’ll spank you ‘til your bottom blisters” (we always just laughed,… which made her more frustrated). Then there were the wise mom quotes,… ones that I’ll remember my whole life (and I’m sure use on my own children many many times) because they teach an important life lesson. (Bear with me, I will eventually come full circle.) These include: “a job half done is twice done,… delayed obedience is disobedience,… neither a borrower nor lender be,…” I could really go on and on… (I love you Mom!  ;-) Anyway here’s the one I’m trying to apply now: “beggars can’t be choosers.”

I’m struggling with this because I’ve been fighting off feelings of entitlement for the last 4 months. At the end of June I turned down a job that I would have loved because I took a hard pro-life stance on an interview question. The interviewer went so far as to call me and flat-out say that if I would compromise just a little bit that I could have the job. That simply was not an option, and I told her that if that was what they required, then I was not the right person to be working with them. It was a huge disappointment, but I got over it quickly because I really believed that God was going to bless my faithfulness in taking a stand for what I know to be right.

BUT: If I’m going to be perfectly honest I must admit that my motivation for turning down the job was not really what it should have been. My heart was not in the right place. Instead of simply wanting to do what is right because it pleases God’s heart, I did it mostly because I thought that rich heavenly blessings would rain down upon me because of my incredible faithfulness to God (insert sarcasm here). The fact of the matter is that I did not make that decision out of faithfulness; I made it out of selfishness. I made it because I thought that if I did then it would almost force God into providing me with something bigger and better. I thought that I was suffering for Christ (what a martyr right?), and was bound to be rewarded. Foolish me.

So, (here I come to close the circle,… promised I would!) here I am today, almost 4 months later and I’m up for another job (with the same organization actually) that I will gratefully accept if offered (after all beggars can’t be choosers); because no matter what the job may be it is better than more unemployment.

The last four months have taught me a lot about the nature of God, my own worth, and my relationship with Christ; and I want to keep learning. I think that this (seemingly less than ideal) job may be one more way for God to help me keep my eyes focused on Him rather than my own career and accomplishments. I will do the work that God sets before me, and I will do it cheerfully (yup,… another one of Mom’s!).

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 29:11-13

You see it's all about perspective. The last 4 months have not seemed like the "perfect plan" for my life on the surface. However if I compare my relationship with Christ now to where it was 4 months ago, I realize that the last 4 months have been so much better for me than they would have if I had been working. I was forced to seek after God with all of my heart,... and I found Him,... just like He promised.

I can't think of a better hope or future than that.