5 years

Hello dear ones! It has been 2 years since my last post. Honestly, I had mostly forgotten about my blog in the busyness of this phase of life. But I have recently had several new acquaintances mention that they had stumbled across this blog and that it had left them impacted and encouraged in some way. That touches my heart much more than I am able to express. To know that even 5 years later, Jude's life is still reaching out and touching people blesses this mama's heart.

Yes. 5 years. It struck me last night, that as Jess and I approach our 10th wedding anniversary we have spent half of our married lives missing Jude. I don't know why that seems so substantial, but it does. As his birthday creeps closer each year I still feel a certain melancholy mixed in with the joy of the Christmas season. While the sorrow is not overwhelming as it was those first few years, in some ways it is harder to balance now, with small kids at home, and so many other expectations. I give myself less grace to feel sad, or at least to show it, because I see how my emotions effects my family. I think there will always be certain challenges in this balancing act of honoring and remembering Jude, while joyfully fulfilling the responsibility of raising our other children. And what a privilege it is to be their mama!

God has been good to us through these taxing years of Jess' residency. We were blessed with our daughter Hannah Lyn in August of 2015. It was a difficult pregnancy with many ER visits and emergency surgery, but God protected both of us, and blessed us with skilled physicians that kept us both healthy.

She and Peter are SO different, but they have tons of fun together. I am incredibly blessed in how well they get along and play together. Peter is now 3, almost 4 and in preschool in the mornings. He is playful, sweet, and easy-going. His favorite things include trains, reading books, and playing outside. Oh, and cardboard boxes. This kid loves him a good cardboard box. We joke that next Christmas we're not going to bother with gifts for the kids. We'll just buy ourselves something big that will come in a huge box, and give the kid's the packaging. :-)

Hannah's 16 months now. She is the most stubborn little thing you ever met. She decided early on that she didn't want to learn to walk, and instead cruises around everywhere on her knees. She won't leave headbands on, and is our little thrill seeker. She's going go be a handful, but she laughs at every antic her brother pulls, and is such a daddy's girl. When Jess gets home in the evening she starts shrieking "DADDY DADDY DADDY!!!!!!" And doesn't stop until he's picked her up for kisses and tickles.

Jess is nearing the finish line for his residency, and we just found out last week that he was accepted into the Air Force Pulmonary Critical Care fellowship in San Antonio to start in July. We'll be moving in June. 3 more years of training, but then he will be done for good. We will owe the Air Force about 5 years after that and would love to go overseas. We will just have to see what the Lord has for us when the time comes. Then when we're ready to really settle somewhere we hope to head back home to Colorado. The mountains will always have a strong pull on us.

My days are full of caring for the kids and our home. I have never considered myself to be the homemaker type, but this is clearly what is best for our kids through these years of Jess working such long hours. I miss my work as a nurse, and plan to go back once our life offers more stability in other areas. I certainly keep busy enough with the kids, dogs, and running. Jess and I ran a half marathon earlier this month, and I'm doing another with friends next month. Never thought I'd be a "runner" but it has been really good for my health both physically and mentally.

That about sums up what we've been up to the last couple of years. This afternoon we plan on going to the beach and doing a balloon release for Jude's birthday as we do every year. Peter is starting to  ask a lot of questions about his brother. I love the little conversations we have about Heaven and Jude. My heart is tender today, and I miss my little man, but I feel immensely grateful for these two I spend my days with. My prayer is that Jess and I would be granted the wisdom necessary to raise them to love the Lord, and that our entire family will be together someday at the feet of Jesus.