This is what is happening to me! I just can't believe how quickly these days, weeks and months are passing. Jess has been gone 4 of the last 9 months for school which is part of it. Single mom mode leaves little margin in life for anything but giant bowls of ice cream and a quick episode of either Dr. Who, Duck Dynasty, or whatever cooking competition show is currently running before I fall into bed each night. (My true nerd-dom is revealed.) But he's done with his away rotations and residency auditions now. Yay! They all went super, and he creamed his boards exams. Come to find out I married not only a Godly, handsome, natural-born leader, but he's also pretty stinkin' smart to boot. :-) I'm just glad to have him home for more than a few weeks at a time.
All that to say, I have a little margin in my life again! I've completed several craft projects, cleaned out a couple of closets, and cooked a few REAL meals in the last week. That's some serious progress! Whether Jess is home or not though, my life is so blessed. I have only been working about 1 day a week and leaves 6 days to spend with this handsome little devil:
Though he can be a handful, he fills our lives with more joy and laughter than we ever thought possible for us again. 2 years ago, we had no idea what was in store for us. I've found myself thinking of that time a lot the last few weeks. October 22, 2011 at 18 weeks pregnant, we found out we were having our first boy! Our Jude dude. Oh the excitement and joy! Oh the naivety. This date was quickly followed by a cascade of other dates and events that I will never forget. The last of which being December 21. The day we said hello and goodbye to Jude.
Even as I'm spending my days reveling in every one of Peter's abundant giggles, I find myself wondering how many of those smiles would be for Jude if he were here. Fall seems to belong to Jude. Though he always comes to mind frequently, it seems to be more tangible and more painful in the fall.
Fall makes it feel fresh again. I miss him so, so much.
It would mean grimy toddler fingerprints on ever window and surface in the house. It would mean more midnight wake-up calls. It would mean sick days, and cleaning up vomit. It would mean twice the diapers to change. It would mean toys strewn over the entire house. It would mean even less margin.
It would mean twice the love, snuggles, bedtime prayers, Raffi music, giggles, candid photos, food dropped to happy dogs, bathtime splashes, books half-read,...
And while I am SO grateful to have all of the beautiful moments with Peter. Nothing will ever change my desire to share them with Jude as well.
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| Visiting Jess in San Francisco |
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| Hitchin' a ride on his daddy's back |
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| playin in the yard with dad |
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| fall in the San Juan's |
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| He does love his puppy! |
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