So we haven't purchased anything yet for this baby.
With Jude I'd been an Amazon and Ebay addict for a while by now.
I had made quite a few purchases. My favorite of which were the Beco baby carrier, and the complete set of Good Dog Carl books.
We've held off this time. I want to feel a little more confident that I'll actually be able to use the items I buy, before beginning to purchase more things that could just end up also being packed away in a box in the closet with Jude's things.
But that was before I saw this FABULOUS Sherpani bag at REI:
It's name is even perfect: the Blue Skies messenger bag.
I was a goner.
I wanted to purchase it on the spot.
Wouldn't it be the world's awesomest diaper bag??? And not all kitschy and cutsie like many of them.
(Not to offend people that do cutsie. It's just not me.)
Then the voice of reason (my husband) spoke up and reminded me that we're waiting.
So I made him a deal:
After the ultrasound (In a week and a half!), if all looks good,
I'm marching my rapidly-expanding pregnant booty back into REI and buying that bag.
I'm doing it.
It. Will. Happen.
Believing that still feels risky. But at least for today, I'm choosing to believe it anyway.
I WILL use that bag to carry around tiny clothes, diapers, binkies, and blankets.
By the grace of God,
It. Will. Happen.
I feel so much hope from your post today. It will happen. I believe it too.
ReplyDeleteI lost my baby girl Gemma in August, at 29 weeks, due to a genetic disorder. I have been so sad, so bereft. Seeing pregnant women and babies has been one of my biggest struggles, and I have avoided it for the most part.
Your blog makes me feel a new kind of hope. Your faith and love through your journey with Jude, and your new story starting with this baby. Instead of feeling sad and jealous, I feel so much joy and hope for you. Someday maybe I will be where you are, and that makes me feel a little hope for myself, also.
Thanks for that. And thanks also for sharing about Jude, I have been really touched by what you have written.
Thanks for your kind comment Steff! I'm so glad that what I write can help you find some hope in your own situation. I know how hard it can be to find anything to look forward to in a future without our little ones,... but with time you re-learn what joy and contentment means. Everything is still different, but I trust that you too will find real joy in your future. Praying for you, and trusting that Gemma and Jude are having a grand ole' time up there just waiting for us to join them!
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