I sit here at my kitchen table listening to the landscapers finish up their work on our lawn outside, a cup of coffee and a gorgeous Palisade peach next to me, two sleepy dogs at my feet, and feel SO GRATEFUL for this life. I just finished returning an email to a baby-loss mama who saw my story on another web-site, and who also lost her precious little one to Triploidy. I both hate and love getting these emails. I love that they have found me, and love the opportunity to reach out and encourage them; but I HATE that other baby-loss mamas exist, and I hate the pain that they are experiencing. Anyway, part way through the email, as I was asking this other mama if she felt like she had begun to find her "new normal" it hit me.
This. Is. My. Life. This is my new normal. I take a step back and look at this beautiful, messy, life, and it doesn't feel like mine. Certainly not what I expected/wanted!
But today, having lived it, I love it. Is there still pain? Yes. But there is so much beauty and joy in the midst of it!
This may never totally feel like MY life, but that's because it's not the life I chose for myself. It's the life God chose to give to me; and while it is not without pain, it is good.
Psalm 30:11-12
You turned my wailing into Dancing;
You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
That my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Beautifully stated, as always. I think, the older one gets, and the less life looks the way we had imagined, hoped, dreamed, expected - the less it FEELS like our life. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the darker - but always for our good and God's glory.
ReplyDeleteI really love this post. It's a true blessing to read.
ReplyDeleteBek's right- that IS refreshing and a really good thing to remember when it comes to contentment. Thanks, sis.
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