Joy and Sorrow Hand in Hand

Thank you all so much for your prayers this week. The peace that we have felt through this painful time can be explained only by the presence of the Prince of Peace. It amazes us how much joy and calm we have experienced when we expected nothing but sorrow. There IS sorrow and pain at the loss of our sweet baby boy; but there is also joy in the knowledge that Jude is experiencing his first Christmas with the birthday boy Himself.

Jude came at 6:35am on December 21st. He was already with Jesus. He weighed in at just under a pound, 14.8 ounces, and was 12 inches tall. And though his tiny body was broken and twisted, clearly not made for this world, he was beautiful. The delivery went as smoothly as possible, and many of our fears were calmed when the placenta separated easily and delivered completely. We will get the pathology results back for the placenta in another week or so, to find out for certain whether or not the placenta was molar, but the Dr. was encouraged that it looked relatively healthy. Our doctor and the nurses that worked with us were fantastic; we could not have asked for better which was a HUGE blessing. As a nurse, it's very difficult to be on the other side of the medical experience and they made it as comfortable as possible.

We had most of that day to spend with Jude before the funeral home came for him. We prayed over him, read books to him, Dad dedicated him, grandparents all got to hold him, we had a photographer come, we got tons of tiny footprints, and we got to bundle him up in tiny clothes and a beautiful blanket his grandma made for him. It was a beautiful and heartbreaking time. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

We are in Grand Junction now, enjoying time with my family. The waves of sadness certainly come, but the joy of being with family and Christmas are dominant. Several things we would appreciate prayer for are:

- Pray that I would have grace with myself during this time of physical healing. I have a tendency to want to push myself too hard.
- My milk is just starting to come in. I'm using all the tricks of the trade to help, but it is going to be very painful for a while. Please pray that this would be manageable and not emotionally overwhelming.
- Pray for emotional strength and healing for both Jess and I.
- Please pray that we would not be overwhelmed by fear about what the future may hold for my job and for our family.
- Give thanks for the promises of hope that we have received throughout this week.
- Give thanks for the massive support that we have received from family, friends, church body, and even hospital staff.
- Give thanks that the delivery went smoothly.
- Give thanks for the peace that we have felt and the knowledge that Jude is with Jesus.

I have one hopeful thought to share before I sign off: Jude was born as the sun was beginning to rise on the day before the winter solstice (when the light begins to increase each day). I feel like God orchestrated this timing as a promise of hope for our future. The light is coming back into our lives. There is hope for our future. God will use this experience and Jude's life to bring light into other people's lives. As much as we are heartbroken right now, we are also filled with hope.

Thank you all for your faithful prayers. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas.


Thanks you Father for the gift of your beautiful son. Help us all to appreciate the enormity of the sacrifice that you made in sending Him down to this broken world. Thank you for the hope of new life that Christmas brings.