Little stinker thrashed around in his crib for the entire hour that is his normal nap time,... then as soon as I got him out and layed him on his play mat, he was out cold. Haha,... 

Sometimes it's scary how stubborn he can be already. We're gonna be challenged for many years to come by this kiddo! But,... everytime I would go in to give him back his pacifier or to check on him during "nap time" he would just look up at me from his crib and grin. 

And I just want to melt into a puddle of baby snuggles. Man, I love this kid!

We got through Mother's Day without any major breakdowns. It's still definitely a bittersweet day, but when I look back on how painful it was for me last year compared to this year I just have to praise God. He has done such an amazing work of healing in my heart, and has blessed me beyond measure with little Peter.

There's still a gap in our family.

The pain is not gone.

The missing him is not gone.

I would get irritated after we lost Jude when people told me to have another baby right away. They would say something like: "It's ok, you're still young; you can have more." As if they thought I could just have another baby, and then Jude would be voided. As if all of the love and pain that Jude brought with him had never happened. As if Jess and I could go back to being the people we were before, by just having another baby and "moving on."

And those people were so, so wrong. We were completely molded by that experience and loss. But it made our character deeper. It made our love stronger. Jude made us better.

Why would we EVER want to "get over" him?

God used his short little life to teach us so much. And though we did experience excruciating pain because of him, we would never want the clean slate that many people wished for us. 

Peter is not Jude's replacement.

Neither is he our consolation prize.

They are both our dearly beloved sons; and we are immensely grateful for each of them and the blessings and challenges that they have, and will continue to present in our lives.

These were just a few of the many thoughts I was mulling over this Mother's Day. I pray that your day was as blessed as mine. Whether you have children present to celebrate with or not, I hope your day was full of peace.