5 months.
I can hardly believe it's been that long.
I've been so busy the last few weeks I haven't even had time to process life.
Mother's Day was ok. All our original plans changed when we found a house that we wanted to buy the day before Mother's Day. We made an offer, and stayed in town longer then planned. Jess had to head back home that afternoon, while I stayed to follow through on house stuff. We did get out for a little hike with Libby that morning, which was nice, then I was just busy the rest of the day so it went quickly.
One of the things that I continue to recognize when we go through a busier stage is that grief can sometimes be delayed when necessary, but it never really gives you a break. I find that when I don't take the time to sit, remember, process my emotions, and communicate with my hubby, everything may seem ok for a few days but if I continue to put it off, then things WILL crash eventually. I always have to "make up" for any time I try to take off from my grieving process.
Since we knew that Mother's Day itself was likely to be one of those busy times, we took an evening before we left for GJ and made a shadow box with Jude's things in it. They had been set out on the bookshelf, but we wanted a prettier, more permanent way to display his things. Here are a few pictures:
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| Jude's shadow box |
It was nice to go back through all of it and once again touch all the things that he touched, and remember the joy as well as the pain of it all. I find that as more time passes, I spend less time remembering how difficult this winter was, and more time thinking about how old he would be now. I tend to keep a running tally in my head of how old he would be had he survived his birth in December, or if he'd been born on his due date. It's a blessing and a curse to be so familiar with child development. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't know exactly what milestones I'm missing day by day.
One of the things that has made the last few weeks so busy was our decision to buy a house in GJ instead of rent, and then we immediately had to start looking. This is what we found:
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| Our (soon to be) house! |
It's a fantastic 3 bed 2 1/2 bath home. The interior is in great shape, but the yard needs some serious TLC. Fortunately we like doing yard work anyway. It's in a good location, pretty close to where we'll both be working. We have it under contract now, and are praying that everything goes smoothly with inspections/appraisals and that we can close quickly. We know we'll have to stay at my parents for a few weeks at least, but it's important that we have as smooth of a transition as possible for Jess and his boards studying. We are starting to pack this week, and are moving down there on the 30th; hoping to close on the hosue the 3rd week in June.
I stayed in GJ for a few extra days for house stuff, and got to celebrate not only Mother's Day with my mama, but also her birthday! It was so fun to be there to celebrate with my family, and we just can't wait until we're there all the time. We went out to Red Mango for her B-day:
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| THOROUGHLY enjoying our frozen yogurt. |
My mom and I then left straight from GJ to go visit my grandmother in Billings, MT. After 90 years of richly blessing her family and friends, her health is starting to fail. Though it was difficult, it was also such a blessing to spend a few days with her. On Sunday we planted her flower garden for her. Flower gardening always has and always will remind me of my beautiful gramma and her passionate love for flowers. Here are a few pictures:
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| planting Gramma's garden |
I TOLD you I've been busy!!!
I just got back home this evening, and will start packing up the house tomorrow. On Thursday, our new puppy arrives, and next Tuesday is moving day! This month has been SO hectic with all my trips back and forth to GJ, stress about the house, my trip to Billings, preparations for a new puppy, and all the usual moving craziness.
But I've been reminded over and over again that through all the chaos God's plan for us will emerge. There are no accidents, no coincidences.
This gorgeous bird was just one of those reminders this week. We were at the Billings zoo, this little fellow flashed us his feathers, and mom and I stood there in awe of God's creation. These feather's no more came in to being as an accident then we did; then Jude did.
