Job opportunities and motherly wisdom

I had a job interview yesterday. It went well, and they called me back this morning for a second interview next week with the entire team of people that I would be working with. It’s for a public health nursing job working with children with special needs. I did a similar program in Laramie, and it was probably my least favorite part of my job there. Not because I don’t have a heart for children with special needs, but because there is not as much face to face time with your clients as I would like. I have mixed feelings to say the least.

Now, growing up my mother used all of those awesome “mom sayings.” You all know what I mean. There are threatening ones like: “stop whining or I’ll give you something to whine about,…  or Do _________ this instant or I’ll spank you ‘til your bottom blisters” (we always just laughed,… which made her more frustrated). Then there were the wise mom quotes,… ones that I’ll remember my whole life (and I’m sure use on my own children many many times) because they teach an important life lesson. (Bear with me, I will eventually come full circle.) These include: “a job half done is twice done,… delayed obedience is disobedience,… neither a borrower nor lender be,…” I could really go on and on… (I love you Mom!  ;-) Anyway here’s the one I’m trying to apply now: “beggars can’t be choosers.”

I’m struggling with this because I’ve been fighting off feelings of entitlement for the last 4 months. At the end of June I turned down a job that I would have loved because I took a hard pro-life stance on an interview question. The interviewer went so far as to call me and flat-out say that if I would compromise just a little bit that I could have the job. That simply was not an option, and I told her that if that was what they required, then I was not the right person to be working with them. It was a huge disappointment, but I got over it quickly because I really believed that God was going to bless my faithfulness in taking a stand for what I know to be right.

BUT: If I’m going to be perfectly honest I must admit that my motivation for turning down the job was not really what it should have been. My heart was not in the right place. Instead of simply wanting to do what is right because it pleases God’s heart, I did it mostly because I thought that rich heavenly blessings would rain down upon me because of my incredible faithfulness to God (insert sarcasm here). The fact of the matter is that I did not make that decision out of faithfulness; I made it out of selfishness. I made it because I thought that if I did then it would almost force God into providing me with something bigger and better. I thought that I was suffering for Christ (what a martyr right?), and was bound to be rewarded. Foolish me.

So, (here I come to close the circle,… promised I would!) here I am today, almost 4 months later and I’m up for another job (with the same organization actually) that I will gratefully accept if offered (after all beggars can’t be choosers); because no matter what the job may be it is better than more unemployment.

The last four months have taught me a lot about the nature of God, my own worth, and my relationship with Christ; and I want to keep learning. I think that this (seemingly less than ideal) job may be one more way for God to help me keep my eyes focused on Him rather than my own career and accomplishments. I will do the work that God sets before me, and I will do it cheerfully (yup,… another one of Mom’s!).

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 29:11-13

You see it's all about perspective. The last 4 months have not seemed like the "perfect plan" for my life on the surface. However if I compare my relationship with Christ now to where it was 4 months ago, I realize that the last 4 months have been so much better for me than they would have if I had been working. I was forced to seek after God with all of my heart,... and I found Him,... just like He promised.

I can't think of a better hope or future than that.

Taking a stand against fear

I’ve been looking up verses on fear and worry. Man, there are TONS of them. Here is one of my favorites:

II Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

I’ve realized lately how much I live in fear. It seems like I have a lot of things to be afraid of right now:

I’m afraid that I won’t get a good job.

I’m afraid that all my years of toiling through nursing school were wasted.

I’m afraid I made a huge mistake and maybe I was never supposed to be a nurse.

I’m afraid that I blew it. God had a specific plan, and now I’m off course and I’ve blown it.

I’m afraid that we’re running out of money.

I’m afraid cause I can’t always see how God will provide for our needs.

I’m afraid because I have no idea what tomorrow holds, and I’m afraid I won’t like it.

I’m afraid to make a decision about my situation, because it might not be the “right” one.

I’m afraid of taking action, in case it’s in the wrong direction.

I could seriously go on and on and on…

But I won’t because I am going to take a stand against fear.

Matthew 6:31-34 “Therefore do not worry saying, ‘what shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Even as I write down some of these fears that skim through my brain every day I realize how foolish it is. I don’t believe that God has one narrow craggy path for each of our lives and that if we take a wrong turn we’re doomed. Our God is the God of REDEMPTION. Yes sometimes we may take wrong turns and make poor decisions, but He can take and redeem those for His glory. There are so many Biblical examples of this. King David, Jonah, Abraham’s wife Sarah, Joseph's brothers,….

God is in the business of taking imperfect people in imperfect situations and renewing them; sometimes over and over and over again.

Isaiah 43: 1b-2 “Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.”

Hebrews 13:6 “So we may boldly say: The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

So then, I’m not going to live in a spirit of fear; and the II Timothy verse tells us exactly what we can replace fear with: power, love, and a sound mind or self-discipline. (I think that he throws in the part about self-discipline to say that he knows it’s going to take a lot of self-discipline in order to not fall back into fear.) I know it will be an on-going process; but I’m going to try my darndest to live with a spirit of power and love. I’m going to seek God’s guidance about my situation and make decisions based on the wisdom that He has granted me. They may not always be the “right” one, but I know that if I am seeking after God, then He can redeem. I’m going to trust in His provision. I’m going to rest on that today.

Psalms 27:1 “THE LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

Isaiah 35:4 “Say to those that are fearful hearted, ‘Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with a vengeance, with the recompense of God; He will come and save you.’”

Psalms 118:6 “The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

Jeremiah 29:11-13 “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’”

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

1^st John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”

Faithful,... despite appearances

Blog Blog Blog. I have enjoyed numerous blogs by friends through the years, but have never felt the urge to start one of my own. Now I have copious amounts of free time on my hands, am realizing that I miss using my brain, and though this is hardly mental exercise; it is better than nothing.

Also, for the first time in,… well, maybe ever,… I feel like I actually have valuable things to share with you. God is truly AMAZING. The last few months have been some of the hardest of my life. And yet through it I have been enabled to praise His HOLY name. For He is Awesome and worthy to be praised! On the surface, life could really suck right now. I’ve been unemployed for about 3 ½ months and it has shaken me to the core. I never saw myself in this situation. I’m a nurse for crying out loud. Aren’t nurses supposed to be epically employable? I mean, you hear nursing talked about as the epitome of job security,… Well, I’m here to say that nothing in this life is secure or predictable,… except one thing: God’s faithfulness and His love for us (and all other aspects of His character).

             Some days I still have a hard time trusting His faithfulness to us right now,… I mean,… Jess is in med school (an expensive one at that). We’re talking LOTS of debt. Kinda scary. And well, I’m supposed to be making money right now,… but instead we are living off of our quickly disappearing savings. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN!!! But, apparently it WAS a part of God’s plan for us. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Parker is where God wants us to be. Jess is being blessed in school, we have been unbelievably blessed here with a fantastic church body, and amazing friends,…  God IS faithful!  Believing in His faithfulness sometimes requires a complete change of perspective. We expect His faithfulness and provision to take on a certain form, and if it shows up looking differently than we expected then we reject it. We flail. I have been doing a lot of flailing. I’m trying to stop flailing and start resting in the knowledge that He loves Jess and I. Personally. Passionately. Our job is simply to love Him back, and trust that He will take care of the rest. (Even when it’s terrifying.)

            That my friends, is one of the many, many, many things that I am learning right now. It is definitely an active process. I put this on my wall a few weeks ago to help me remember.

             

            We'll chat again soon!